I’m amazed at how quickly mostly everyone dropped Xanga.  People moved on, I suppose..

the whole was in her hands
she rocked and held our weight.
and while i gazed at them,
she gave another whirl.

and twirl and twirl they did;
then laid upon the sand.
i heard them laugh out loud
their voices like the tides.

i saw the sun today-
like shells, was swallowed whole.
embraced by both, i drowned.
immersed, i sank in joy.

just came back from vegas atlantic city.  brought my family down in a rented saturn aura and stayed at the local econo-lodge motel.  i was at first skeptical about the saturn, being that it was an american car and all.  i used to drive a buick skyhawk back in the day and that P.O.S. would break down on me so many times in the worst possible places that i developed an aversion to any automobile that was Made in the U.S.A.  anyway, i was pleasantly pleased.  the folks from where i rented it were the best (very informative and had a good pick-up and drop-off service so i didn’t have to walk to get my rental) and the car itself, while looking like a slightly larger audi A4 (sorry, audi fans, but i have no better point of reference) drove solidly and comfortably.  the motel where were stayed in was in the shadow of the Tropicana.  the room was clean, had a full bathroom, microwave and fridge for the baby’s formula.  we couldn’t ask for more.  overall, a fun and relaxing day get-away.  there ain’t nothing like playing with my daughter in the surf and coming back from the casino to my wife with good news.

so, i was thinking.  everyone is talking about going green and alternative fuels and all this shit about energy independence.  but what are they really talking about?  to me, the notion of personal freedom comes to mind.  i think that, as long as the cost to upgrade and come off the grid remains within the affordability range of celebrities, one can never be truly free.  for instance, it would probably cost $50,000 for me to convert my house to solar with the currently available arrays.  and if i was even able to install a system, it would take 20 years for the investment to pay for itself.  so, in the meantime, i rely on the virtual monopoly of my utility company.  so i beg to ask, am i truly free if the utility company can turn off my electricty and gas at a whim?

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, jnh                               

earlier this past year, i applied for an operating room position at a large, prestigious hospital in Manhattan.  to make a long story short, i didn’t get the job.  bumm, right?  it looked like to them that, based on the version of the resume i used at the time, i was jumping from one job to another without completing at least one year at one facility (i left my previous hospital after only 6 months to be closer to home for my then-pregnant wife).  anyway, half a year passed and i reached my one year mark at my current hospital.  my confidence came back so i reworked my resume.  i made sure that this time it included most of my post-university work experience, which included two years of customer care experience at the same cellular phone company, to emphsize my early departure at my first hospital as just a unique event.  within a week or two, i was contacted direcctly by a recruiter from the world’s third largest pharmaceutical company.  she was looking for a registered nurse to fill a telephone product and medication support position- a desk job.  it seemed almost too good to be true.  but after three weeks, five interviews, one thorough background/reference check and urine drug screen later, i was offered the position and accepted.

next thursday will be my very last day.  am i sad?  HELL NO.  but i will miss my co-workers.  they’ve been great for the most part.  they taught me the value of teamwork in surviving a stressful environment.  and more importantly, whether intentionally or not, they taught me the importance on not getting too comfortable in any one place, to always keep my eyes open for career opportunities.  i’ve always been impressed with their longevity in nursing- some of them have been doing patient care for 10, 20 or even 30 plus years. how, i don’t know, but they’re still doing it.  i can’t see myself doing bedside nursing for that long.  my back is acting up again.  it’s got an expiration date on it.  at some point, if i’m not careful, it’s gonna stop working and i wont even be able to carry my daughter anymore.

this departure couldn’t be happning at a better time.  my wife is happy, my baby’s happy, and i’m happy.  oh, and i mention that they pay WAY more?

pay heed, God-given wife of mine
so perfect in your way,
there is a lesson to be learned
derived from your embrace-

those perfumed necks adorned with pearls
with model face and arching brows 
and gym-shaped bods and perfect coifs
can never match, replace.

amidst the march,
the razing of walls,
the tearing down of gates,
the breaking of old glass
life stirs anew in endless waves.
it rebuilds the city,
rises towards the stars
while waging war with itself on the ground.
the old,
they quiver and shrink
the youth,
they blossom and push
while those in between
(like me)
we serve.
we care for the sick
and comfort the dying;
we issue the warnings that may save your life
only to see you back here in this horrible place
again and again and again.

lost scenes of yester-now
came, then, with a bow
left the stage so changed.
gone. they went away
while strings of things still cling
to most of everything.
i’d love to break these seams,
these cobwebs from my heart.

i used to love you from afar;
neither here nor there yet near me.
through lowest points to highest star
i used to wonder, “when?”
so, sprang the thoughts once held at bay.
gave them lips so sweet they said,
“this could never be.”
i feared
and so you disappeared.