papercut

i, long ago, committed love to verse
etched it on a note placed on her desk
and
hoping to impress
i wound up dead instead
committing suicide.

"dear _what's-her-name?_,..." i poured my very soul
hoping that my lines were of gold.
but no, far south of bullseye built a house of foolish pride
now crashed, slow-motioned, in a sloppy heap.

she laughed, i cried/stayed quiet while she teased
"just what on earth!?  i never had foreseen...!"
so lost, unbalanced, vomit on my knees,
i struggled to stay straight.

unfolding paper ends,
she quickly showed her friends
who snickered jealously.
 
i prayed for some release
( it never came for me.)

solace

far from the eyes of passerbys
like miles upriver yonder lies
a place to hang my hat upon a hook.
warm comfy shades of olive green-
satin, silken smoothen sheen
are sheets and pillowcases fluffed and shook.
next to the bed a table, chair
upon them rest four items there:
eyeglasses, pillow, pen and favorite book.

a P.S.A. that elevates beyond considered norms;
my worried brow,
your toothless frown,
and this here coming storm
bear witness to your inner strength
unfailing. days go by
though torrents fall from dreary heaven
nothing's from your eye.
sweet man,
good man
with body aches,
plagued with pain acute, mundane-
please stay (a little while)!
i'm in denial of gains now lost.
your deafened ears, your clouded sight,
the stooping of your once-tall gait,
and racing of your failing heart
all scare your adult child.

monday, asked my little lady
asked her if she'd marry me
begged her not to shed a tear
"why cry?"
no need from this day here

thursday, H.R. called to see me
9:00 A.M. to have a meeting
offered me a full-time spot
i held my ground
i held my ground
she frowned
i left
said my goodbyes

nothing more to say
i'm thinking
contemplating
far from here
distance
widening
not shrinking
looking for another start

"wish me luck!"
another calls me
14th day at 9:00 A.M.
niece and nephew's birthday place...

i'm not quite sure what this could mean-
     a dream of me:
     a herd sheep trespassing on my dreams.
the site dissolves
and there i am-
     an ice cold beer within my hand,
     a knife,
     a slab of meat- some lamb!
                                               delicious!

what of that all-important lesson
the one relearned each day?
digesting it
dissecting it
what's one supposed to say?
nothing perhaps
nothing at all on this here very day,
or tomorrow with its hope
or in the light of next day's rays.
but to realize a life without a single change is death,
to live inside a box of fear's akin to having not one breath!
it's all too much to bear.

i've seen you in the deep end-
jumping-jacks for precious air
amounting next to nothing
short of choking one last prayer
arms folded, watching you
i walked away without a care
ignoring desperate pleading
(while fixated on your sinking)
inside my mind i move
i assist you to the shore
and win you back a life
that's more stagnated than before?

In the evening's tide an aweful sight-
my love adrift!  it floats away.
and run I do while sand
it shifts between my aching toes.
how sad, beyond my desperate grasp!
how cruel she taunts and teases me!
so much she seemed a burdon
on my tired shoulders raw,
how light she seems- so effortless
she glides into the night!

looking westward of inspired;
how it seems to just transpire-
look, the reddened sky!

day is dying! fading fires,
ashes, embers, old desires
take their sweetest time!

blushing, drunk, almost retired
sinking fast, horizon-mired,
rest now, sun of mine!